Speak Softly, Break Bones: Why Patience and Kindness Are Your Strongest Tools

Through patience a ruler can persuaded,

and a gentle tongue can break a bone.

Proverbs 25:15

Proverbs 25:15 presents two paradoxical ideas: "Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone." At first glance, these statements might appear contradictory—patience versus power, gentleness versus strength—but they are, in fact, expressing the same profound truth about influence and persuasion.

The first part of the proverb, "Through patience a ruler can be persuaded," emphasizes the unexpected effectiveness of patience. Rulers, by their very nature, wield significant power and authority. They command armies, govern nations, and make decisions that impact many lives. One might assume that only force, direct confrontation, or strong arguments could sway such a powerful person. However, this proverb suggests that patience—a quality often perceived as passive or weak—can be more influential than force.

The story of Nehemiah provides a biblical example of this principle in action. Nehemiah, a cupbearer to King Artaxerxes, patiently waited for the right moment to request the king's permission to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. He spent time in prayer and fasting, carefully preparing himself before approaching the king. When the moment came, Nehemiah’s respectful and patient demeanor, combined with his well-thought-out plan, persuaded the king to not only grant his request but also to provide resources for the rebuilding (Nehemiah 2:1-8). Nehemiah’s patience, rooted in faith, was key to influencing the king’s decision.

The concept of patience influencing a ruler in Proverbs 25:15 challenges our conventional understanding of power dynamics. It suggests that even the most powerful individuals can be moved not through force or coercion, but through the virtue of patience. This idea resonates deeply in various biblical contexts where patience is shown to be a transformative force.

In Ecclesiastes 7:8, it is written, "Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit." This verse highlights that patience yields better outcomes than hastiness or arrogance. Patience allows for wisdom to prevail, guiding actions and decisions towards lasting solutions.

In James 5:7-8, the apostle James urges believers to be patient like farmers waiting for their crops: "Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand." Here, patience is portrayed as enduring steadfastness in the face of waiting and uncertainty, rooted in faith and hope for a fruitful outcome.

Patience involves understanding and empathy, as seen in Colossians 3:12: "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience." This verse emphasizes that patience is a manifestation of Christ-like virtues, essential for bearing with others' shortcomings and fostering reconciliation and understanding.

To apply this understanding to persuading a ruler, patience involves respectful persistence and strategic timing. Just as in Esther 4:14, where Mordecai urges Esther to use her position wisely for the sake of her people: "For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" Esther's patience in planning and timing played a crucial role in achieving a favorable outcome.

Therefore, to persuade a powerful person, patience means embodying humility, wisdom, and perseverance, trusting in God's timing and providence. It involves understanding the person's perspective, choosing the right words, and demonstrating consistency and integrity over time. By cultivating patience as a virtue, one can influence even the most formidable leaders through genuine respect and steadfastness.

The second part of the proverb, "a gentle tongue can break a bone," speaks to the surprising strength of gentle speech. Bones, being the strongest part of the human body, symbolize resilience and resistance. Yet, the proverb asserts that a gentle tongue—symbolizing soft, kind, and thoughtful words—can break something as strong as a bone. This metaphor highlights the paradoxical strength of gentleness, suggesting that the most effective influence often comes not through forceful or harsh words, but through calm, considerate speech.

Bones are the strongest part of the human body, with incredible strength and resilience. For instance, the femur, or thighbone, is considered the strongest bone, capable of withstanding immense pressure—up to 1,800 to 2,500 pounds of force. This fact underscores the strength of bones, making the metaphor all the more striking.

A powerful example of this is found in the story of Joseph. When Joseph, who had been sold into slavery by his brothers, eventually rose to power in Egypt, he had every reason and authority to exact revenge. However, when he revealed himself to his brothers, his words were not harsh or condemning but filled with forgiveness and compassion: "And now, do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life" (Genesis 45:5). Joseph’s gentle words, despite the immense power he held, broke through the guilt and fear of his brothers, leading to reconciliation and healing.

The tongue, in contrast to bone, is soft, delicate, and seemingly powerless compared to the strength of bones. However, this proverb uses the tongue as a symbol for speech, illustrating the immense power of words. While bones may be physically strong, the metaphorical "breaking" refers to how words, even when delivered gently, can penetrate deep, influencing thoughts, emotions, and actions in ways that physical strength cannot.

The Bible speaks extensively about the power of the tongue. In James 3:5-6, the tongue is described as a small part of the body, yet it can boast of great things: "Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one's life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." This passage highlights how the tongue, though small, has the power to cause immense harm, likening it to a fire that can consume an entire forest.

On the other hand, Proverbs 15:4 emphasizes the healing power of gentle words: "The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit." Here, the "soothing tongue" is compared to a "tree of life," symbolizing the nurturing and life-giving power of kind and gentle speech.

Another powerful example is found in Proverbs 18:21, which states, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits." This verse makes it clear that the tongue holds the power to bring life or death—both physically and spiritually.

The words we speak can either build others up or 
tear them down, and this power is not to be taken lightly.

In a practical sense, a "gentle tongue" that can "break a bone" refers to the ability to change someone’s mind or soften their heart through kind, considerate, and well-chosen words. For example, in the story of Abigail in 1 Samuel 25, her wise and gentle words persuaded David to refrain from avenging himself on Nabal, thereby preventing bloodshed. Abigail's speech, though soft and respectful, was powerful enough to change the course of events, demonstrating how a gentle tongue can indeed break through even the strongest of wills.

Thus, this proverb teaches us that while brute force may seem effective, the true strength lies in the power of gentle, thoughtful speech. Words, when used wisely, have the capacity to influence, heal, and transform in ways that surpass physical strength.

Both parts of the proverb convey a common truth: true influence and persuasion are not achieved through brute force or harshness, but through qualities that seem counterintuitive—patience and gentleness. These virtues require humility, wisdom, and a deep understanding of human nature.

James 1:19-20 reinforces this idea: "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." This passage echoes the same principle—patience in listening and restraint in speaking are more likely to lead to righteous outcomes than quick, forceful reactions.

Moreover, Proverbs 15:1 states, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." This verse aligns perfectly with the message of Proverbs 25:15, emphasizing that gentle speech can defuse situations where harshness would only escalate conflict.

This reminds me of a conversation I had with my husband. We own a company he often finds himself in tough situations where he has to act with wisdom. Whether it's dealing with job site issues, managing employees, or coordinating with other companies, he sometimes has to make decisions he'd rather avoid, like biting his tongue or agreeing to something for the greater good of the project.

While discussing one of my own challenges, he shared a piece of advice from his experience: I have two choices—I can either throw water or gas on the fire. The fire will keep destroying everything in its path, but water will completely diffuse the situation. I never forgot that, and I love how it aligns so perfectly with the Word of God.

Proverbs 25:15 uses two paradoxes to express the same profound truth: that patience and gentleness—qualities often overlooked or undervalued—hold immense power in influencing others. Whether it is persuading a ruler or breaking through the hardest resistance, these virtues demonstrate that true strength lies not in force, but in wisdom, humility, and the careful use of words.

Through patience, we can move the hearts of even the most powerful, and with gentle words, we can break through the toughest defenses.

This proverb teaches us to value and cultivate these virtues, recognizing that they are tools of great influence, capable of achieving what force and harshness never could.

PRAYER:

Heavenly Father, I come before You in Jesus' name, thanking You for the wisdom You so graciously share with Your people. Thank You for bringing this proverb to our attention and teaching us about the true nature of patience and strength. I am grateful, Father, that You have led this reader to this lesson in Your Word.

I ask, Lord, that You grant them even more wisdom to recognize the profound impact of their words and actions, especially when they align with Your ways rather than the forceful methods the world often promotes. As they go through their day, when faced with decisions between gentleness or force, kindness or cruelty, I pray that You would bring this verse to their mind at that very moment. Grant them the strength and will to choose behaviors that reflect Your love toward others.

May they also understand that when they walk in kindness and follow Your ways, You are right there with them, involved in every matter where they choose to be obedient to the path You have set for us. May all that we do bring glory to Your name. Amen.

© 2024 Amanda Allen. All rights reserved.

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